Short answer: No. I am a Filipina married to an older American man. I am also a matchmaker who brings men and women from around the world together.
To me, there is no stigma, just different perspectives, motives, and lack of understanding.
What people perceive as stigma is actually misunderstanding. In many countries it’s a pretty simple proposition: people of similar attractiveness, education and financial status tend to meet, get to know each other, get together, and form relationships. The more attractive you are as a man, the more attractive the women are that you date. It’s all a bit shallow, actually, but that’s coupling.
Now enter the Philippines. For whatever reason, physically attractive Filipino men are not hard to come by. Due to mixtures of ethnicity, there is gwapo everywhere you look. Filipino men are very aware of this.
In part, because of Spanish influence, there is also a culture of machismo and conquest. Even Jose Rizal, the founder of Phillppine nationalism, has been connected to no less than nine women.
While there are a lot of great, hardworking Filipino men, there are many who are not and they have helped them develop a reputation as being somewhat unreliable. And if you talk to Filipinas, a lot of them have more than enough infidelity horror stories, many first-hand, many more second-hand.
So, fair or not, Filipinas have a different perspective on relationships. To a certain extent, it’s the law of supply and demand. In the Philippines there is a large supply of attractive, fit, smooth-talking men. There is a lesser supply of men who are loyal, reliable, actually interested in having a family and taking responsibility for it. Family is everything to Filipinas, and almost all Filipinas dream of having a happy life and a happy family, with her husband.
People try to mock or stigmatize these types of relationships for several reasons. I would say the primary one is that they are afraid of them.
People today put so much emphasis on looks and appearance. Their entire identities are wrapped around Instagram and if people find them attractive or not. The thought that someone could disregard what’s most important to them (their looks) for a healthy and happy relationship that is actually based on loyalty, love, and substance, rather than ego, makes them uncomfortable. Because if a beautiful Filipina can be happy, love a man for who he is rather than what he looks like and what he has, then what does that say about them and their entire perspective on relationships?
To summarize, In the Philippines, pretty boys are a dime a dozen. Loyal men, husbands, fathers are harder to come by, so our standard of what we find attractive has changed somewhat. Shallow people mock or try to stigmatize those relationships because they can’t see past their own reflection in the mirror and are uncomfortable with the idea that not everyone is as shallow as they are.
For me, I find it much less shallow and much more healthy to seek a relationship based not on what your partner looks like but how they treat you and who they are.
